Two Saturdays ago hit me & it hit me hard. It was an unwanted flashback to a time I never want to see again, but in the grand scheme of things, totally necessary. It showed me that I was being lazy, unproductive, but most of all, about to lose out on the one thing that I have been striving to accomplish for a very long time.
After seeing my score & talking to my study partner & my boyfriend, I realized I have applied everyone’s method, but I must return to what works for me. One thing that life has taught me is that everyone plays the game by their own rules & what works for you, might not necessarily work for me. This is so true with me & this test. I learn in parts. I freak out when I am doing something & I don’t understand all of the reasons or procedures behind what I am doing. To me, I have no measuring stick to judge whether I am correctly applying the rules by how they were meant to be applied. This is why it takes me a good deal of time to pick up something new.
But with this test, it is not new to me. I have just failed to understand the reasons behind many of the methods of why I should do things a certain way. So now, I must start here to catch up.
One point that resonated with me was I need to tackle this test like a normal final from high school & college. In high school, I was BADD! I could go to class listen to the teacher, read over my notes (probably at most twice), & come in & ace the test no problem. With standardized test, I used to study the math portion vigorously & every other section normal prep & do very well. But these methods do not work here. Why? First, I need to practice more due to the fact I am introducing myself to new methods of thinking. Second, I am not making an A+ ( in this case, 180) my target grade. Throughout my educational background, an A was always my target. I cried so hard when I got my first B that I made myself sick. So, why should I not reach for the same goal now?
I should at least strive for it. Anything is possible with good old fashion hard work. So I am striving for the 180, but also being realistic about my chances & what I can reasonably achieve in the amount of time I have left between now & test day. I am ready to push back the test (again) if necessary.
So now, that I have been practicing regularly & know what I need to do, I am studying far more & better than before. With me, it is all about eliminating everything to get to the something. Now, more than ever, it is time to focus, practice, & realistic about my chances. As I promised myself before, I am only taking this test once by any means necessary.